Burned but not broken

After a wonderful evening last night, I was pretty excited to get to school today. It was my last day as an assistant and I felt like I had a pretty good handle on how to do this one.

Boy was I wrong.

Chef Cottes- one I hadn't had before was our chef today. He walked in to the kitchen in a bad mood and just started yelling. He was very demanding, but kept telling me that I was doing things well. Then it was time to take the puff pastry out of the oven. He started screaming at us and shoving the hot baking sheets at us. I had my towel and thought I was ok until my towel slipped and I started searing my two pointer fingers. I had to continue to burn them as to not drop the tray full of puff pastry (that turned out not to even be mine). I didn't yell, I didn't scream but my fingers were really burned.

I kept on working and tears started falling- I wasn't actually CRYING, but my face was red and my eyes wouldn't stop tearing. I put my fingers under cold water and people started to notice. "YOU"RE CRYING!" Lara said when I looked up at her to ask her something about the albufera sauce we were making. The Chef came over and was talking to us and I just stared down as to not show him that I was hurting. Loredanna next to me said "you're really in pain, you really need to tell him...he'll be nicer to you". I went over to the Chef and told him about my fingers. His response "SO?" then he looked at the one that had already blistered and started to help. He explained that vinegar really takes the sting out of the burn. I thought he'd be nice to me for the rest of the practical.

I was wrong again.

After he saw that my eyes were watery- it was game over. He was ON me the entire rest of class- yelling at me the whole time. "Am I making you cry? are you crying because of me?" I kept telling him no that it wasn't him, it was my fingers but at this point I couldn't really tell. "YOU ARE NOT A MAN" he'd yell to make sure I knew I wasn't being tough. He stood over me and made me plate my food when I knew it was cold. Then he flew off the handle- screaming and making me run around and get pans to heat everything up. It was all theatrics- he was showing off now and everyone was watching.

Now, not only was I trying to stir my sauces with my bad fingers, Chef was screaming at me and everyone was hearing....oh, I was still fighting back tears. I finished- he said it was 'bon' but I was LIVID. I didn't even try my puff pastry- the labor of love that took us the better part of 2 practicals to make, nor did I taste the poached egg, stewed leeks, sauteed bell pepper or 2 kinds of sauces that I made. I threw it out immediately and got to cleaning. This was my last day as an assistant and I needed to at least finish that off well.

I took everything down to the sous-sol and saw Chef Strill who asked me how it went today. I told him that it was a bad day and he saw the vinegar soaked kleenex on my hands. He took a look, told me to go to the pharmacy and get BiaFine and tapped me on the back.

I knew there were going to be days like this- I signed up for it. I knew there were going to be times when I really got my ass kicked, and I wasn't afraid of it...I just didn't realize that Chef Cottes could break me like that. I was a wreck- I was sweating, SO beat red, and broken. I can handle being yelled at. I didn't subject myself to Coach T at Nichols for 4 years if I couldn't handle it. I could handle also being hurt and trying to push through- hell I've got the scars from 7 operations to prove that. I couldn't handle them at the same time I guess- I am really disappointed in myself for allowing him to break me. I'm better than that, I'm tougher than that.

I went down, changed again fighting the tears and went upstairs. Bruna and Lara were waiting for me, but I was so mad I couldn't even chit chat. My fingers were still burning so badly I had them pressed against a diet coke can for some relief. I decided to go to the front desk and have them bandaged. Vincent- the poor guy who had to wrap both of my pointer fingers was a star. He saw that they were really hurting and was super nice to me. A translator also noticed the look on my face and came to check them out "those hurt like a bitch don't they" she said- at least she knew I wasn't being a wimp!

Laura from class stood with me while I got them fixed and Bruna came in to find me as well. Laura is a mom of 3 and just knows. She said the right things, helped me to calm down and then went to pick up her own little girl. I wanted my mom and my blanky.

Bruna didn't leave me- and she listened to me swear the entire metro to my house where I changed so we could salvage a day. We went to lunch with Anthony in Les Halles and went to the most crowded mall ever. I bought a new Bodum mug to carry my tea in the morning to school and we just laughed. It was a good thing that I couldn't call home when I was feeling awful...it would have made me worse.

I came home, watched a little Entourage and went to meet up with Anthony, Zu, JP, Melissa, Mark, and Siham for Senegalese food in the Marais. It was so much fun- we all just had a great time and laughed. It was just what the Dr. ordered! After dinner, we went to a sports bar in the St. Germaine to watch the NFL playoffs. We talked about our favorite movies and laughed again until it was time to go home...

I came home to find such a sweet email from Laura and a note on facebook from Lara. Lara said she was impressed at how I held it together today...that's funny- I thought I completely fell apart! Laura asked how my fingers were. So thoughtful and sweet of both of them! I'm sure there are going to be many more burned fingers, screaming Chefs and tears, I'm just so lucky that I have met great people who are here to help when it happens next.

A Bientot!

C'est Parfait

Those are words that a.) culinary school students don't hear too often and b.) are exactly what they want to hear every single day. I wake up in the mornings before class going over the steps in my head over and over and over again. Most nights before practical I don't sleep much because I'm so stressed and nervous. Last night was one such night.

This morning, at 8:30 I was in the basement getting everything ready (I'm still class assistant) and things weren't looking good for me. The dumb waiter with all our food wasn't coming up to the send floor, so I ran (literally sprinted) down to the basement again to make sure all the doors were closed, then ran up again. Nothing. Merde. I ran downstairs to group A who had all of their things and were happily preparing for practical. I ran back upstairs and luckily the dumbwaiter had arrived!

Things just kept on getting better. I was behind most of the class because I (assistant) had to keep running and getting more flour when we ran out. 10 students making 2 kinds of dough requires a lot of flour. I'd sprint up to the 3rd floor until finally Chef Poupard said "Caroline- why do you keep running upstairs? Do you need the exercise that badly? There's a hige vat of flour right here!" Oops.

First we did the savory short dough- made that and let it rest. Then we made the dough for the puff pastry and let that rest as well. We then blanched bacon- drained it, sauteed it in butter and got the rest of our stuff ready for the filling. Eggs, cream, salt, pepper, nutmeg- pass through a chinois and set aside. Once that was ready we rolled out our dough put it in the mold and blind baked it.

While they were blind baking, we did 2 turns of our puff pastry dough- you have to roll it out with a big X in it. Put a disgusting hunk of extra dry butter in there, fold the dough over the butter and roll it out into a perfect rectangle. Then fold it again, roll it and put it in the fridge again.

Once we finished that, we filled and baked our quiches. Mine came out brown and delish looking. I was frankly really surprised- I had been behind all class and here I was, the first one done! I did 2 more turns of the puff pastry dough and plated my quiche. Chef Poupard simply said "C'est Parfait!" I was SO excited (see picture) I could barely contain myself! I was getting very hungry so I dashed around the kitchen cleaning up after everyone and took the ingredients back down to the basement to enjoy my quiche.

I thought Chef Poupard was the best we'd had yet- he was calm, helpful, didn't yell and kept us all on target in a relaxed, yet stern way. He definitely yelled at some but I was just in a groove today- I felt good, I felt confident and it turned out!

After practical- I hoovered more quiche than I care to admit into my mouth and went to demo. We were in the bad demo room again but I was in the second row which is the best to be in. The mirrors show everything and it's easy to hear and see.

I came home, took a cat nap and just went to see It's Complicated with Bruna and Anthony. The movie was cute and for .0005 seconds made me a little homesick for California. I quickly snapped out of it when I noticed the French subtitles and said..."DUH I'm in Paris!" After the movie we walked around and had a crepe in the 6th St. Germaine area. I love that place SO much I could walk over there for hours. Each restaurant and cafe has more charm than the next and it's just very European. I loved it!

Tomorrow at 8:30 we have to finish our puff pastry and make poached eggs with this strange sauce/leek combination and put it IN the puff pastry...interesting. But then it's the weekend!!!

A Bientot!